Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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