my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize