Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
