How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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