you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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