yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
