the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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