You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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