oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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