Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
