You can't special order awesome
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
