my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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