You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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