do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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