I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Swine flu is the new snow day.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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