Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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