i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
