I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
