I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Soap is not a condiment
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
