we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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