this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
