I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
