He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize