u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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