In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so explain again why im purple
no
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
