tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
