I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
