i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
