Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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