She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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