im about as happy as oj after his trial
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
