I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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