I feel like abortions should bother me more
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
