We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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