before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
