i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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