is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm at about main and main street
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
