worst night to have a conscience
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
