You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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