We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
