Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
