i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
