that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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