I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize