i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
