Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
