Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
