I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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