i will never coherently bang her
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
