yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
