it wasn't lemon gatorade
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
