Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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