So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
