whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
