I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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