Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
