Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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