I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
