She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
