And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
