I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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