i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
