Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
