so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
