you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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