You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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