question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
