Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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