Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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