we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I am mentally ready for anal.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
