hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
