hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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