I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize