how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my shit smells like andre
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
