These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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