I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
All the doctor said was why
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
