after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
