You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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