eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
