mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize