mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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