Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
