I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
