Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
