I puked a lego.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
