I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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