He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
