Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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