Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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