best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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