Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
