Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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