I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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