i think my mom watched the whole time
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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