i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
