If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
