Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
