you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Come on in and take your pants off
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