Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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