Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
