I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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