dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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