Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
