so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
In America we eat man semen.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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