We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
