So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
