drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
