he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
