I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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