Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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