Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
