I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
