i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
whose parrot is this?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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